Complex Trauma can create an enormous amount of confusion. Most of all, it can create LIES within us that grow like a cancer. Trauma tries to hide/distort/bury our memories of love as well as the truth of who we really are! Our Soul becomes fragmented and we can give up on putting the many pieces of ourselves together again. One day, I decided I no longer wanted to live fragmented. Jaded. Lost. Believing I was unlovable….because deep down, I knew it wasn’t true.
One day at a time, I began to share my story with a few trusted people. I prayed continuously to build my faith and understanding of why this happened to me and what this crazy life is all about anyway! At this point in my life, I am able to share what I have learned from my traumas so far. I hope this will not only help us connect in some way as survivors and thrivers, but maybe help you connect with those fragmented pieces of you sooner rather than later. I have not listed all of my experiences and they are not in any particular order.
Witnessing Domestic Violence as a Child and Teen ~ I’ve learned that people can get stuck in unhealthy patterns, addictions, and/or self-sabotage. For my family, help was not readily available and when something did present itself, they did not feel safe or pride got in the way. Other adults that could have helped were also too scared to get involved or simply ignored the problem. I learned to release my emotions and how those experiences made me feel. This is why I do all I can today to help others and help end the stigma.
My Mother’s Murder and Death of my Parents ~ Revenge nearly took my freedom and my Soul. I turned my desire for revenge into LIVING for my Mother! Perpetrators only care about having control over you & there was no way I was going to let that continue. I had to forgive the circumstance in order to be set free from it. After my step-father and birth father died, I felt like an orphan. I know I will always “long” for them and what could have been. I now focus on letting in love from others and give tons of love to my children. I honor my parents and share their stories so they are never forgotten.
Emotional Neglect ~ I learned that just because my parents were not able to show me love in the way I was needing it, I am lovable! Mental illness, addiction, and their own traumas got in the way of showing their true colors. They had a story too and were not helped in the ways they were needing. I take in the love I receive from so many others to heal the wounds in my heart and show love to others to break the cycle of allowing trauma to control me.
Sexual Abuse/Rape ~ It was NOT my fault! I’ve learned self-defense and mindfulness to decrease my anxiety and hypervigilance. I have learned to never wait to tell someone and get help! Forgiving myself and leaving the punishment in the hands of my Higher Power released the pain from my body.
Bedridden from Surgeries with Complications & Autoimmune Disease ~ LOVE YOUR BODY while it is hurting because it will heal faster! Forgive your body for the scars, the weight gain, the swelling. It needs time to heal and may be sending you a message to pay attention to! Believe in yourself when others don’t (including your doctors) and find people who will support you. This is usually a test for allowing yourself to receive love. Receive it from yourself, others, and your Higher Power. Feed your mind, body, and spirit and miracles can happen.
Divorce ~ My parents divorced multiple times and I did once. I learned that sometimes people come into our lives to help us grow. When we are caught in fear and/or self-abuse, we attract what we feel we deserve. “He/she is the best I can get!” Another lie! Don’t settle!
I’ve learned that as a trauma survivor, people will judge me and I have judged them. ASSUMPTIONS destroy relationships. Ask questions and get to know the people before you make a harsh judgement about them.
Death will forever change me and it has become a part of me. It’s alright…..I feel connected to them on the Other Side and I know my loved ones are at peace.
Giving & Receiving Love is what we are here to learn ~ especially during trauma. How challenging has it been for you to keep this balanced during your healing? Sure….we know medicine can heal, but nothing heals like LOVE!
The learning never stops for any of us and for those of us who have experienced trauma – deeper learning is required. May we continue our healing through sharing our stories with one another. Stay true to you!
Cheryl Mlcoch, LPC, Intuitive Counselor, Energy Healer