a : being in accordance with reason
b : not extreme or excessive: moderate, fair: inexpensive
2a : having the faculty of reasonable : possessing sound judgment
[the above definitions, are courtesy of Merriam-Webster dictionary, online version]
We…(all of the people who are hopefully using this very special site)
Are the expected proponents of the usage of the process of being “reasonable”. I would like for anyone who is not suffering from the condition known as “PTSD” to access the characteristics associated with this expected behavior when the walls are closing in, and the voices of our memories are attacking every nerve receptor inside of our bodies and our minds. Of course, how can I expect that anyone who is unaware that this condition is one which can manifest itself in numerous ways, and that they are not within the control of the sufferer, it is an attack, and we do NOT imagine what is taking place, it is very, very, real!
I have noticed that I cannot compete against myself, when it comes to PTSD, I am as trapped as would be any animal which in the clutches of a trap. The associated dynamics which have accompanied my condition are so varied, so differing in their manifestations, it makes it difficult for me to explain in one of my 45-minute conversations with the psych persons. They have a clinical assumption to guide them into a generically contrived assessment process, which is not always correct or even appropriate for that matter. I shutter at the thought of what is happening behind the closed doors of the policy-makers, as it regards the victims of this condition. As soon as they can quantify it as a scientifically recognized “anomaly”, they can legislate us all, into a “deviated category”. They can claim that we are a danger to society and that we must be “handled” in “special ways” for the protection of society and for self-protection also.
Some of us are victims of our own sense of duty, and our acceptance of an idealism which may have started out as something which was protective of a country and its citizens, but which soon morphed into a bestial configuration, one which is no longer safe even for those of us who are under its supposed “protections”. Think of a combat soldier, hours of waiting for something to happen, sights, sounds, smells which pervade every aspect of who you are, you become a combatant within yourself. Try to get these “experts” to qualify this!
Then we have the abused people. No matter the type, it creates a form of what I call, “Self-mistrust”. We are prone to place blame, in order to take away some of the pain, but how dies a child perform this highly complex and difficult function? Childhood sexual abuse is traumatic for life! We can only help the person to become more confident in their own self=protective abilities. An accomplishment, which never comes easily, if ever.
We are expected to be reasonable, in the atmosphere of fears and of self-doubts, which cause to us, the unfathomable denial of our self-identities. Try to see it this way: sit at the bottom of the deep-end of the pool, as you try to admire the beautiful blue sky. Now, how will you be able to stay there and take in the view? You cannot breathe under water, so now, what will you do? how can you be expected to admire and to enjoy the scene, when you are aware that you are going to drown if you do not find a way to breathe? If you have ever felt that you could not take another breath, or that you were breathing but it did not seem to be helping you, this can be the effects of the panic stages of an episode of PTSD awareness. How do you tell someone you love, that this is going on inside of you? how do you make anyone understand the fear and the discomfort which you are experiencing?
I know, the greatest aspect of being human, is the ability to change one’s environment to one which will be more comfortable, but you know what? Trauma which attacks your mind and your body, a thing which is very real, will interrupt the air within your lungs, and the act of thinking without being afraid of your thoughts, is inexplicable to our own minds, so how can we feel comfortable in trying to make anyone else to understand what we are experiencing? When the attacks occur, I feel as if I am in another realm of existence, as if I have been transported into my own, personal “Twilight Zone” of pain, and fear and confusion. Yes, but I will be reasonable, at all costs! Yeah, right!
I do not want anyone else to ever suffer this, but I am realistic enough to understand that there is no way to eliminate this condition. We need to solve the situations which create PTSD, it is a truth that in this case, we must prevent the symptoms before we can hope to cure the disease. But how? Can we eliminate the warped mind of a child-abuser, a sexual predator, a rapist, the minds of those who insist that men kill other men, to represent their idea of what is or is not acceptable to their particular desires?
Can we erase the domination of the fears which haunt an abuse victim, which is only strengthened by their own feelings of guilt, and continued helplessness? Can a law, represent the absolute elimination of doubts ad of fears, and the terrors we suffer which cannot be explained outside of the boundaries in which we feel trapped? Should we fear the future of the laws which have yet to be written, but know that the stigma attached to ANY mental disturbance, is usually mischaracterized as some sort of lunacy, which must be controlled by the removal of the victim-sufferer from the general public?
Is this “reasonable”? Can reasonable exist, where the lack of reason is the prevailing storm through one is traveling most of the time?
Be reasonable; be aware, be OK with your imperfections, but take a reasonable approach, take the time to view the truth.
Can any of us who suffer from PTSD, be more reasonable than what we have already been, in that we wake up every day, and we assume a societal role? I don’t know, but I’m glad that this site exists, to help those of us who are suffering, by having a platform from which to express ourselves. To all, love, and peace.