What I mean by “never say never” is simple. The translation is, “Get out of your own way.” More people block the good things in life by a lack of, or a fear of imagination, and lack of neutrality, instead tending toward negative/destructive, on the negative/positive continuum, than you would ever realize. Dare to dream, dammit (yes, I root for the positive/un-negative)! Remember the saying, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all?” Well, this one is its rough-around-the-edges cousin!
“If you don’t know the answer, leave it blank.” You can’t predict the future, so instead of pre-coloring what lies ahead as one drab heap of nothingness, leave all possibilities open…even the positive ones! Equal time here!
“Never Say Always.” I’ll give you this one, in the interest of balance. Many reading this have had devastating experiences or have witnessed others’ devastation. Even you can make a comfortable success of your life, step-by-step, in time. Of course, not everything you try will work. Some possible solutions, not right for you, won’t work out. The right ones will.
How come “never say always” is easier to accept than “never say never”? We become programmed after experiencing life for a while, being branded by negatives, forgetting the positives. We become programmed after living with others’ negativity a while. Sometimes realists are realists. Sometimes they are pessimists in realists’ clothing. You have the right to direct your life your way, despite the pessimists and your surroundings.
TRANSFERRING THE GOOD
Successfully describing the “never say never” concept to someone else feels as if I am giving them the keys to the car so that they can drive clear roads instead of their “walking 20 miles…
through three-foot snow…
over downed trees…
with drifts to six feet…
from the current 70 mph wind conditions”
(and don’t forget the ice…)
Yeah, you recall hearing some variation of that one… Remember it, and its grain of truth, with a smile. Don’t recreate it daily! It hurts… That said, I’m only about to flip flops in snow shoes (fashion, comfort and security all rolled into one) in the whole “transfer this concept to others” process…wind still howling…with miles to go… I hope I’ve come a little closer to success with this writing today.
GIVE THIS A CHANCE
All I am asking you to do is not to block positive possibilities. I know you have lived real, in-your-face, life-changing negatives that you will never forget. I am saying you do not want to live in these depths the rest of your life, nor do you have to, no matter how convincingly trapped you currently feel. Just be still and non-judgmental for a little while. That’s enough of a challenge at first. Realize that you can live well in the future.
Why is it so many, even without serious negative life-experiences, wouldn’t think of blocking Murphy’s negatives? No, by all means, furnish him cleats. He knows just how to walk all over you. So, let him in…come on…hurry…don’t keep him waiting…but bar the door on anything good.
After a point, being negative becomes a habit and a choice. So does being positive, which is good…or even neutral, which is a good start. It can be a difficult lesson to learn.
PTSD is a real and devastating injury. It does not, however, single-handedly signal the end of everything. Part of the recovery, somewhere after the initial uncontrollable spinning and fighting everything and everyone, is about finding the good in life, maybe on new terms, maybe going back to roots. It’s each individual’s decision based on the individual’s needs, as long as it is positive.
Searching for the negative, or welcoming it in, will never work. Why is it so easy to summon the negative? It’s like hanging out with the wrong friends. What has the negative ever done to make your situation better?
The positive, on the other hand, even feels good! In the mean time, try living in this neutral calm for a while…completely sans sabotage.
Openness to the chance of good is not completely natural or perfectly easy, at first. It doesn’t just happen. It literally takes stopping, reversing and refocusing when you find yourself in the familiar autopiloted negatives again. There will be false starts, and restarts…there always are (and don’t forget the ice…it’s a bit slippery at the start…so take Murphy’s cleats for good). You will be able to work through these situations.
Hopefully, you have a support team in place. If not, now’s the time to start looking. Online is fine. Anonymous listening will work for a start so that you are not always alone with only your own words.
One thing we can count on is the fresh start, if we need and choose it. This new year is right now an unmarked, unedited page. We can create anything we want on it. There’s all the room in the world. If you are artistic in any way, that is one of the most exciting things there is.
So, set for yourself a constraint-free time and place, pick your favorite, most comforting color combos from those above, or add your own, and create something positive for yourself…something you can visit often for rest and encouragement until you live there. It can happen.
If you have any questions about the art part…ask Kate!
2016 TO 2017
I’m posting this today, the last day of 2016, so that you will have the entire New Year to put these thoughts, or your own version, into practice, if you so choose.
Wishing you a Very Happy New Year!
I pray for each and every one of you that it is!