This is a commonly used phrase and one that is usually more of a way to seem polite than to actually convey truthfully hopeful feelings towards another person. It’s an assumption at best and one that requires the person on the receiving end to ponder out for his or her own comfort.
But when one is emotionally assaulted, the reviews come in on various schedules. Mine began, but I was totally unaware of the event. I think I had to ask myself over and again if this stuff had really just happened? Did THIS person, a person who was a father-like figure to me, actually make this kind of a move on me, or was I just having some sort of a hallucination? Really, it came down on top of me rather disturbingly hard that it was even an issue, this was a trusted person, not some stranger, like in the pictures at school!
Children’s minds are funny in the ways that they are assembled and process information. Often it takes a while for the event to register as one of a negative nature, and then at other times, it is an immediately known fact, and one that if they tell it to an adult, will be dismissed more so than to be accepted as an actual thing that should be taken seriously.
Placing myself back into that moment, as many times as I have, has made me very sensitive to the words of any child, I don’t dismiss anything that they say to me, no matter how benign it may appear to be on the outside of the subject. Often children are just as afraid to tell the adults whom they trust, as they are, of the adults who have placed them in jeopardy. This can make finding out that a child is feeling fearful a difficult thing to ascertain.
Parental disregard makes this process even more stultifying in the child’s senses of security and stability. All too often, we adults don’t make accessibility to our attentions an easy thing for a child or for children, in general, to feel comfortable with trying to acquire. Adults pretend that their lives are too busy to take on mundane tasks, we are didactically exposed to the training of “busy” as being productive and therefore important to other people.
But when a child has a problem, busy is a time consumer, a wasting of time they need in order to place things back in an order they can understand. This takes the help of parents, (if they are not a part of the origin) and caring persons of professional specialties, and friends who
can care and be patient enough to rebuild in the child, their sense of safety and peace.
Whether or not we want to admit to it, PTSI(D)s can insert its presence in persons of all ages, we must be aware enough to recognize some of the signs and then to ask children question to try to help them. A caring ear, a patient conversation, and children tend to want to talk. But the trick is to listen, and not direct the conversation, this can be difficult for adults to do. Even my therapists have had a hard time in shutting up, and just listening to what it is that I have to say, and I get frustrated with that so I can imagine how a child feels in the same position!
But you know what? We have options, and we have more knowledge today as to what makes us frightened and what makes us comfortable all we have to do, is to get out of the way of the process and let it work for kids as well!
I love kids, I hate to see any child suffer, so I’m hard on abusers, and I despise laws that are more protective of the abusers than of the children they hurt, so maybe I’m NOT the best one to comment on this subject.
Nawww, I’m at least ONE who should! I’ve been that child, I’ve been in the position to keep my mouth shut.
We are reaching very critical stages now, we are going to have more influxes of military personnel who are returning from the uselessness of combat duty that made no differences in the safety of their loved ones, but they serve honorably and dutifully. Resources will be further stretched, and this will inevitably lead to the distressing methods of throwing away the person, rather than the healing of the injuries.
We’re individuals, but we’re also PTSDchat.org persons, so we have already taken some of the necessary first steps.
Thank God for the people who started this special site. I do so every day because, without this, I’d be gone already, and that’s just a part of the story.
Wellness to all!