Wednesday, June 14, 2017
I have my feelings regarding “Father’s Day” but they don’t really run across my issues with PTSI(D) as far as I can remember.
The day I celebrate is about my dad, who happens to be my first childhood hero, so I never associate my issues as having much of an impact on how I deal with this day and what It means to me.
My dad was a marvel of motivation throughout my whole life. He did the hard sh*t and he never complained about it, not ever! He is the example I tried to imitate as I became a man. I never expected that I would be able to get to his level but knowing that this was the one I was trying to achieve made me stay on the course.
For dads who have PTSI(D)s, all of the leaks that can be impacting the emotions of the dad can unquestionably deny a full appreciation of the day’s meaning, but at the same time, the happiness of celebrating can ease even the pain of the injuries of emotional traumas. One can only try, and experience in his own way.
For me, it is a reminder of severest personal loss. The day reminds me of never hearing the words from the voice of my lost child. It’s a dead space in my heart, a hole in my soul that will never be filled and it cannot be lessened by the passage of time, as I hear those moments of laughter, and playing, and the last breath taken by my child.
But this is not to say that I am not ecstatic about my son and daughter! It is simply about the loss that can never be replaced.
I appreciate the day because it offers me the opportunity to heap well-deserved praise upon my father and my son and brothers and friends who have put in the hard work of being decent fathers to their children. As for myself, I am conflicted, and if you knew the story as one person on this site does, you might just understand where that is coming from.
Father’s day is an important reminder to all men, that being a male is not enough when you have children, it means that you must now throw away the ego, and must now put on the man-suit, and get into the process of being available physically, emotionally, spiritually, financially and all other ways. So yes, PTSI(D) can have an effect on the day, emotions can be jumbled and confusing to navigate, but we can accomplish much simply through the process of trying as many times as we find it necessary to do. all of us have this capability and we all have this responsibility, so it should come as no surprise.
Men are so much in the need to have their progeny seem t be such a part of who they are, that some of them go overboard in trying to recreate themselves in their children, especially the male children, but it can be damaging to do this, it can open the door to PTSI(D) and the trend might not be easily reversed or treatable. We can all learn by observing the reactions of other men and how they deal with a day like this one. Some are so happy, some seem so lonely, I’m not sure where I am on the spectrum. I can say that a 37-year separation from events, has done nothing to make me forget.
Peace and wholeness to all!