Can I love, even through my hatred of PTSI? | #PTSDchat
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Can I love, even through my hatred of PTSI?

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Monday, June 19, 2017, 16:54

 

I have heard about loving people ever since I was a young child. First I heard my parents and other relatives tell me they loved me, and then they talked about love in church a lot!

But no one ever had an explanation for what love is supposed to be.

 

The invasive thing this “love”. It infects our minds with a feeling of helplessness and feelings of necessities that may not be within our ability to relieve from our minds. What the heck is this “love” anyway? Why should it be so necessary and so inescapably strong?

 

The dictionary defines love in various ways, but I’ll use a few in this posting because only a few meet my criteria. Let’s get to them.

  1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.

2. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.

3. sexual passion or desire.

 

From <http://www.dictionary.com/browse/love?s=t>

 

 

  • 1a (1):  strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties maternal love for a child (2):  attraction based on sexual desire:  affection and tenderness felt by lovers After all these years, they are still very much in love. (3) :  affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests love for his old schoolmates:  an assurance of affection give her my love
  • 2:  warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion love of the sea
  • 3a :  the object of attachment, devotion, or admiration baseball was his first love (1) :  a beloved person :  darling —often used as a term of endearment (2) British —used as an informal term of address
  •  4a :  unselfish loyal and benevolent (see benevolent1a) concern for the good of another: such as (1) :  the fatherly concern of God for humankind (2) :  brotherly concern for others :  a person’s adoration of God

 

 

From <https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/love>

 

I take into account that I will probably never understand the many ways in which affections can play a part in my life. I know that I have had great affection towards certain females of our species and not have it returned in a way that I wanted it to be done, that hurt, but it wasn’t the end of my world, it was just a major inconvenience at that particular time.

 

PTSI is a roadblock to feeling that love is a real emotion. Maybe it is a response to try to deplete the strength of the moment. I want to accept that I can love through this condition because I have and I do, but new love, that’s the one that makes me less confident about my feelings, maybe I just overthink it.

 

I thought I was in love once. Everything about that situation seemed so right, but then the fringes started to fray, the substrate started to sag and give way to the weight of the relationship. What do I know? I’m  just a guy who feels and doesn’t ask why.

 

All of what PTSI does in my life, interrupting my recognition of whether or not love is real to me is one of its most offensive effects!

Wow! A reason to question love; can you imagine that? As if it wasn’t complicated enough, to begin with, along comes the invisible scar to make it even worse than before!

 

You know one of the least affected relationships to become diminished by the issue is that between men of war. We rely upon one another. I’m not just talking about those who are deployed to a hot zone, I’m speaking of those who train and live together and learn to be confident in the skills nd the reliabilities of those who are around them. This is a difficult thing to do, but when you know that one day your life may be in the hands of these particular individuals, you mount up and you figure it out!

 

Self-awareness can get in the way of magnanimity, it can disrupt the flow of the rivers of psychological strength that are necessary for one to give up at least a small portion of his own self-autonomy. Often when you are in a training situation, you have to yield the floor to someone else’s prowess. Ego has to take a backseat to its sense of narcissism and allow for another to get the glory for the moment. Love does this. It becomes promotional from both sides. It isn’t just the way that one feels, it’s the way that both or all feel.

 

Love’s inherent difficulties are enough to drive one off of the rails, but when it Is coupled with the instabilities of emotional injuries which cause PTSI, it can damned impossible to ascertain whether you are feeling it or not! Oh well, some might say; “live as it comes and hope not to get run over in the process.” I don’t, I say let love be as uncomplicated and as easy to live in as a well fitting pair of shoes. Usually, this takes time, as the shoes must get worn in and become comfortable to the foot. We just don’t give people time to fit right, I guess.

 

Love never loses its shine, it is the internal eye which loses its ability to see that shine; and PTSI(D) does a lot to make sure that the situation is far more uncomfortable than it needs to be.

 

Can I love? Yes, because I do!

So take that, PTSI, a kick in your ass, for a change! Hah!

 

Wellness, awareness, comfortableness, and imaginativeness.

 

#IOwnMe

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