Tomorrow is my birthday. Well it is the day I was born. I will be <<insert age here>>. The date is important for few reasons:
- It honours the life choice my parents made in having me
- It honours the things I have achieved and learned
- It honours the gift that life is
I have to keep reminding myself about these points. Some of you reading this blog have been in conversations with me about how I feel ripped off. The 3 years of trauma plus the 3 years of PTSD have stolen 6 years from my life. At times it feels like cryo and at other times it was an “exile”. I am still discovering books, music and film that “happened” while I was checked out over that time. There are relationships, friendships and work opportunities that “happened” without me, and I am finding out how much I have missed out on, now I am on the “other side”. So there is time, knowledge, opportunity and potential all lost thanks to the trauma and PTSD. And yes, that makes me angry, sad and at times unbearably lonely. How to overcome that and move on is a real challenge. Sometimes it feels like I am on race track catching up with everything missed. It can be a bit manic.
My other birthday is the day I received my PTSD diagnosis. This experience birthed something different. My old life is pretty much shot to bits. I think, feel and see very differently, scarred (“lace”). One #PTSDchat friend tells me we are “special” not “scarred”. Press replay and repeat.
To be fair, there are things that are new, interesting and good; but it is like learning to crawl before you walk and I am wanting to fly, now.
So in the ramblings in my head, “Happy Birthday” to the PTSD 2 year old and the T minus 6 as I am #workingthruit on #thisjourneyofdays.