Am I seen as a person, even with having PTSI(D)? | #PTSDchat
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Am I seen as a person, even with having PTSI(D)?

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Friday, June 23, 2017, 18:11

 

I watch the eyes, I watch the breathing and then I watch the reactions, and none of them add up to be concerned with the person who is on the patient’s side of the desk. No; instead, it is a look of impatience and indifference. The look tells me that the person has collected what was needed for the day’s session and is no longer wanting to deal with my statements.

“Why in the hell am I sitting here?” I wonder to myself. I didn’t want to come, I felt comfortable being uncomfortable at my home, this was a wasting of my time! I have a pointed anger with wasting my time, and it makes me almost unmanageable when it is wasted by someone else! Who in the name of stale bread makes this stuff up? Why do I put myself through this anymore?

I always feel like I’m a cell being looked at in a petri dish under a microscope’s lens when I visit the psychiatrist! I never feel like I’m accomplishing anything of real value, it just seems that my issues are being collected for later when they will be added into a book or a paper that has little to nothing whatever to do with helping me to actually heal!

When I walk into a room as a patient, I expect to be the focal point, I expect that the light is on me and no one, or nothing else! I can be an ass of a narcissist in this place because I am the subject of the block of time which has been allotted for my presence! Taking this into consideration, I wonder why I shouldn’t be angered by the lack of attention?

I see the world through my own eyes, so I’m unable to say anything coherent in response to what someone else is observing through their own, but, I can make a safe assumption that when I am seen, I do at least in some ways resemble a human being!

When I speak of PTSIs I am speaking a range of emotionally assaulting issues that have caused major, yet unseen injuries, that only manifest themselves to the outside world as a sort of heightened shyness, and a seeming unwillingness to participate socially. We cannot know why the person is “stand-offish”, we just know that the person seems to not want to be bothered and this bothers us!

So for me, I place myself in an imaginary position to attempt to see things from that person’s point of view. I attempt to play through my mind what in the name of goodness could have caused the type pf trauma that would now make this person pull back and away from society and even from their own self! It is more difficult to live with an emotional injury than most people can even begin to imagine.

I sit in the chair, I see the lack of eye contact, the distance that is added when my statements become more “animated” in their manners. I can see that this person would rather have a shatter-proof barrier because now my realness is seeming threatening. But I think, I was asked to come her and to share my feelings, I wasn’t the initiator of the meeting, you were, so I continue on!

Being human, trauma has an effect on me, it doesn’t just bounce off of me like water off of a duck’s back, so I am left to deal with the consequences, and often, they are intrusive and abusive to me, and if I can’t keep them in check, they can have a detrimental effect on those around me as well!

I have made my own determination that persons who are suffering under the often unpredictable influence of emotional issues brought on by the influence of emotional injuries. Experts agree that we the recipients of emotional injuries are disordered and suffering from a chemical imbalance, and to the general public, this sounds plausible since they are not psychiatrists, but in truth, these professional haven’t any idea that there is a chemical imbalance that produces ANY emotional issues whatsoever and every time they say so, it is a lie of the highest order!

My question is how can we establish higher levels for working treatments that will cause emotional healing for individuals who have been left scarred for life, because of events that in most cases were far beyond their control? Child sexual abuse survivors, war survivors, family abuse, drug abuse, accident survivors, and all sorts of victimization dynamics which create emotional injuries that have no observable identities.

The issue of emotional trauma is smeared all over the rest of the persons who are alive, even if they are unaware of the truth of this point. Someone you know, love, or are simply associated with in some way, hey, it may even be you who is under the influence! But in any way that it is viewed, emotional health is falling down a rabbit hole and so many are in there now, that to get out will take more than a lie that says they should all just be drugged and covered over to reduce their visibility!

This is not a class issue. This is not about the lack or the having of material wealth, this is all about a major section of humanity being ignored and marginalized because of the hard work that has not been put in to identify, describe and find treatments for injurious factors that can affect any person, regardless of their social position!

Advocacy is the first step. Hardcore advocates must be willing to take it to the legislators, representative, senators, courts, and wherever else the voices of the outraged can be heard. We can’t keep losing lives to suicide because they feel so out of place that nothing can make then to feel comfortable enough to be alive anymore! Name one person that you think is in distress, but you have never taken the time to be inquisitive enough to ask the important questions that might bring them into a lighter place and feel that at least one person cares. Take that person away due to suicide, and then YOU have another emotional weapon to form a war against your own well-being!

We need to fight for the places we belong in, we can’t stay silent forever, because one, is too much of a loss to accept, and we might be able to prevent that person from taking that step!

Places like, www.ptsdchat.org are a necessary safe place for persons who are in pain to come to. Places like the psychiatrists’ office have offered little help to persons such as myself, but I can’t speak for anyone else, hopefully, for them, it has at least offered a bit of relief.

Are we ready to wage “PEACE”? Because this is what we will need to do, offer peace here, and offer to wage war with the decision makers, and never give them a break!

Do I fit the mold? Hell no! because I am not someone else, I am only me, and I am so much better for me when I’m not being tripped up by emotional issues. I want them to heal and leave me the hell alone, and I want this, for every other person alive! That’s MY truth!

All-heal, all wholeness of spirit!

#IOwnMeAndILoveIt

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