Fitting in with PTSI(D), I'm never sure if this is possible. | #PTSDchat
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Fitting in with PTSI(D), I’m never sure if this is possible.

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Wednesday, June 28, 2017, 15:33

 

Feeling odd-man-out is something that goes back a long way for me. Even as a child I felt a little less than enthusiastic about sharing my space all of the time with other kids, I had other interests, and they didn’t seem to like them much. Reading was my thing; reading and learning set me into a different place inside, I felt comfortable there, not rushed, not pressed into trying to impress someone else, just a place that was comfortable and safe. I never understood the “safe” aspect, it should have just been comfortable.

Where do “differently” situated persons belong in life? Are there really niches that are expected for certain people to fill, or is it more truthful that each person should be available to his or her comfort zones in order that they will have the opportunity to be more productive and inclusive in life as an individual?

When I was diagnosed with PTSI(D). As I’ve explained in the past, I disagree with the word “disorder”, I say that we have an injury, thus, the “I” instead of the “D”. I hope that all people who suffer from this condition will see it this way soon. Feeling as if you are disordered is more difficult to seek help in solving, than seeking to get help in healing from an injury.

We are all falling down to earth like snowflakes, which means that we may be very similar, but at the same time, we are not identical, and being treated as if we are, can be even more damaging to the injury(s) we have already suffered.

A child who never had the chance to feel the safety of caring and nurturing parents can hardly be expected as an adult to fit into what would be called “normal” activity identifiers. As an adult, they have not had that learning curve that supplies the foundation for adult inquisitiveness, but as a child within this narrow corridor is shut down or blocked, “normal” is not accessible in a way that would seem to be safe to the child. The child will constantly seek safety instead of simple comfort. Security instead of fun. This is not the fault of the eventual adult they grow up to be, it is just what it is, the normal outcome of an abnormal childhood.

Do we fit in? I can’t answer this because I don’t know what it means to fit in other than to be a conformist and I have never been one to easily conform to any ideology that I found to be counter-productive. It’s like the ideology that got so many young men killed on the shores of Dunkirk during the D-day invasion and on Iwo Jima. The leaders knew that many would be lost, but they accept it because they knew that simple numbers game theory would play out to a victory when they could have starved and burned out the enemy without hardly a lost life as a result.

Can anyone find the place where they truly belong? Marriages fail because the shine wears off of the illusory diamond that was thought to exist hen YOU were in love with your emotions of being in love before you gave consideration to the downside of what a life shared with someone you felt you loved would be like. Ain’t love a trip?

I can say that I have no idea where I belong without PTSI, so I certainly can’t give an answer as to whether or not I know where that would be with it! I want to know if I belong inside of myself because this is where ii am most uncomfortable right now. I feel like my body is trapped with a stranger inside of itself, and I can’t get the bastard to leave! Now that is a problem for me! If you don’t know me personally and especially before events in the last nine years, you can’t have a clear idea of how different I truly am now!

Are we designed to belong anywhere? I would hope not. I only say this, because I like the idea of a person wanting to experience the sunrise and the sunset in another place on the planet from time to time. Seeing the world where different cultures are happy and not “strange” as we are led to believe by some of the reporting we see on television.

Belonging? We all belong, the “Where?” thing is the problem. Why do we have to limit ourselves to a specific place or a specific career or vocation? Why can’t we just live and learn and enjoy and share it with everyone, making everyone else as happy as they too can be?

I’m not helping much, but that is alright with me this time because there is no easy answer.

Yes, I belong, but this would be wherever I would want to experience life at any given moment, and not some set-in-stone location where I might be less than able to try to enjoy the view.

Peace and health to everyone of you!

#IOwnMeGladly

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