If I leave a footprint, it means I had some time, even if it wasn't a lot. | #PTSDchat
PTSD Awareness

If I leave a footprint, it means I had some time, even if it wasn’t a lot.

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Thursday, June 29, 2017, 21:14

I’ve held back from accomplishing things on lists that I’ve concocted, I never asked myself why I didn’t just get right to it, I just didn’t do so, I’m like a lot of people in that I can procrastinate.

I am writing this, simply to tell anyone who may be on the fence about what to do or when to do it, that now might be the best time to get started, tomorrow may come or not, but it may not be as conducive to be productive as the moment when you established the idea.

Looking back at untaken chances can be heart-wrenching, and this can add to you PTSI. Our specific conditions do not need any more fuel to burn in its attempt to smoke up our thoughts and our lives, we need to clear the brush and the underbrush that fuels inconsistencies in our thoughts and in our actions.

Life has a silliness to its makeup. As we live longer, we become either more or less aware of our desires as we are less able to dismiss our responsibilities that come along with our long-awaited and asked for, adulthood. When I was a youngster, I just wanted to be able to have fun, learn and be at peace. Being an adult was going to arrive soon enough, and it did.

As a kid I used to wonder who authored my life, it seemed as if someone else was writing out the path I was on, and a lot of the time I was unhappy with the direction, the processes and the outcomes of the plots ii was living in! maybe the writer was just some idiot who was writing a sitcom that I couldn’t escape from because it just seemed that sometimes things were way out of control!

I remember that first time I thought about who was writing up this stuff; it was when an attempt to interfere with my personal safety was happening. I couldn’t grasp the purpose of such a thing happening to me, it really pissed me off, and I was only around seven years old!

Have you ever wondered if there was a real point to your existence? The reason for YOU, as opposed to anyone else, occupying the space that you now utilize with your presence? Standing in place, can you imagine the world from the mind of another person? Maybe as you, being someone else, and not being the you whom you are right now? Does this possibility frighten or enthrall your senses?

Many persons are inside of a protracted sense of inner struggling with the self who is, and the self they would rather be. I chose long ago to take ownership of who I am and to maintain a stance of personal gratitude for my own life and actions. I have never squandered my energies with wishing that I were someone other than myself, in order to live a better life or a better monetary situation. I liked the future that I would be able to deliver to myself, as me!

I want the person who is reading this right now, and who is thinking that they have made a mess of the life that they have lived and want to end it, to stop! I want that person to remember just one happy childhood moment, one time when being who they were at that point, made them the happiest child they can remember at that time in their life. Look at THAT face, hear THAT laughter; remember it as easily as you do the taste of the best drink that you’ve had today. Now; hold on to that memory for a few moments, take it in like the deep breath you take when you smell some aroma that is pleasing to you.
THIS is the place where the pain has no place to exist, THIS is the area where PTSI and emotional injury cannot happen, THIS place is where we are all trying to get to, permanently!

Don’t analyze yourself out of existence, think yourself in maintaining your life! Be you, be the happy you, the confident you, the cognizant and confident you. Even if this only lasts a few moments, it can eventually become the habit that you yourself, become, and it can become permanent!

In opposition, the emotionally caused issue of traumatically caused injuries can eliminate the happiness within you. Your thoughts can become totally destroyed, your emotions can become uncontrollably intermingled with the confusion and the fears of the inconsistencies of trauma. I can say this because I’ve been there, I am there, I am trying to not be there any longer. There are times when I feel I am gaining against this element, this entity, this monster, but still, there are times when I am on my floor, in the fetal position hoping that something, anything will take it away from me, or take me, away from it!

I know what’s it’s like to curse at the world for being here any longer. To blame the world for my not being happy and feeling safe anymore. In the moments of my clarity, I am aware that I am NOT just the asininity of PTSI, I know that I am much more than the outcomes of the negatives I’ve suffered in my life. But you, the person who may not know this right now, this is for you to find out as well. This is why this site is so significant for all of us, it gives us the chance to share ideas and to share stories that may be able to help to dissuade us from the terribleness of destructive thoughts.

Limitations are part of the lives of every person who lives, not just you! Hold out, swim out into the middle of your lake of fears, and conquer one fear at a time. Winning a war takes strategies that win battles first! Wars are always going on, battles are fought a few at a time, and not at once, often years, and continents apart. The limitlessness of our minds are more than a single planet, solar system, galaxy or universe, it is beyond the sequestering of borders. YOU are the true power!

We can author our own lives, not beyond all barriers, but we can be better than we tell ourselves at times. PTSI is a resulting condition, but giving up, is a choice. Can you choose to be better by destroying something? No, destruction breeds its own identity, over and again, and once you start the process, it can be almost impossible to stop it. Fortunately, there is the power within each of us to pull the emergency brake on our own insecurities and get back some control. This power is called self-esteem! It’s more than we think it’s more than we’ve been told that it can be, and we each have access to its power.

A measurement, a recording of movement of a sort, a footprint where there is no foot to make n impression, but still, it can be followed and it can be traced.
I leave a trail from my life. Everyone else leaves one as well. We cannot refuse to see the sun simply because it’s hurting our eyes, it will be there, and it will be there even if we were to lose our ability to see it any longer.

Maybe PTSI is this way, a sunbeam we don’t want to see but cannot help but to do so. In this case, we must acknowledge that it is there and we must accept that we (I) on a personal basis must deal honestly with what it has become. Disavowing the knowledge of something we know exists, does not erase it from existence. Talking about PTSI with my therapists is behind my schedule to lessen its effect on my life.

I am not patient with issues that leave me uncomfortable, I want to get them over with and have them to leave me alone. Immediacy in complying with this demand is always one of my shortcomings. I am impatient when it comes to dealing with invasive discontinuities in my life. This actually adds to my discomfort. So I guess this makes me a co-conspirator with my PTSI. Boy, what a bastard, huh!?

I can’t tell you how to rid yourself of the bothersome properties of PTSI. If I could do this, none of us would be here, all people would be free of this diseased-identity that chokes us from the clear air flow. But I do know that fighting it is not the way to make it less of a threat to our emotional continuity. I do know that drugging someone by lying about their being chemically altered doesn’t work, it only makes it worse, for everyone, afflicted and communities alike! We can be more constructive in building the limitations around PTSI that will wall in its ability to affect us. But it takes honesty and It takes the pain of being open with ourselves.

Right now, you may be sitting alone in a room reading this, but being alone right now does not mean that you need to become lonely. You can reach out now, talk to someone who is going through this damnable mess, just as you are, and that’s a HUGE step towards the first brick that will encase PTSI.

I don’t know how much more measurement will be under my own foot, maybe it will stretch out for years, maybe days, maybe weeks. But knowing that I have at least some access to it, makes me motivated to use it to be of some help to at least one because even if it won’t be me, I would hope that one day, something I have said, will be helpful, and end this nightmare for someone!

Time and its length of it are never guaranteed to any of us, but for me, looking into a glass that is full of a liquid I cannot identify, maybe mine is up. More to come, later, I hope.

May the dream become the reality, may the hope become lived, may healing happen soon.



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