Friday, July 28, 2017
Analogies, the shortcuts around full descriptions of common situations.
Usually, it brings about the feeling of being trapped, lost, confused, frightened, and it makes us feel helpless. Feeling helpless and frightened can make our motivation to fight feel absolutely useless and meaningless in using any energy to try to find a way out. Here is where I found the accent of suicide to fight the language I was hearing inside of my head. Preparation, positioning, calculating, timing, free thoughts disappear into the darkness, the analogy becomes an excuse to proceed. Tested overly-so is the preponderance to dispel learned opposition to the concept of taking one’s own life, it becomes the ONLY way to live!
In my life, I have seen death in many of its forms. None of them were pleasant, but not all were emotionally abusive either. Ramping it up happens, when the death is a product of violent means, an outside, extremely traumatic force.
Life as a paramedic can be demoralizing to perceived assumptions that people are more or less compassionate toward each other. When I found out that this was only partially true, it did something to me. When you see the dastardly ways that persons can abuse other persons, it can be a shaking experience. I know that it was for me!
Shootings, overdoses, burnings, beatings, rapes, unspeakably abhorrent actions that have laws that protect the perpetrator more so than it seems to do for the victims. It took an amazingly quick toll on me, emotionally speaking. It quickly eroded my ability to trust that humans are at the top of the intellectual chain.
Wars are exceptionally definitive of the intellectual laziness of humankind. To destroy lives to make a political point, or to take away property or to assume destiny, is a lack of intelligence, not a progression of its usage.
PTSI is an issue associated with trauma to the emotional foundation of one’s mind. I can tell you from my own experiences, that it is NOT induced by a chemical imbalance as we are being told by a made-up list of medical nomenclature and assumptions. Chemical imbalance, indeed! Ask the profession, seek the information on their own websites, view their own members as they tell us that there is no evidence to support any of their claims, and this is from top psychiatrists, not neophytes, not newbies!
Let me say this, no matter what, stay in therapy, keep the conversation going, and don’t give up on yourself, because eventually and hopefully, you will find some real relief and maybe an answer that may help you to help yourself to dominate PTSI events, and reduce triggering aspects that you are still unaware of at this time.
Back to the tunnel, if you don’t mind.
After some time in the dark, I noticed that the light at the end of my tunnel, was filtering down into the tunnel itself, so I thought to myself that I might want to use it to try to avoid the pitfalls and fissures that seemed to keep me stuck!
Slowly, but most assuredly, I began to move forward, I began avoiding those holes and those cracks and I could start to feel more optimism in my journey. For the first time in a long time, I felt motivated to move, motivated to increase my distance from what was behind me, and decrease the distance to the light that was ahead. Progress!
I am not saying that I am healed by any sense, but I am feeling that there is a possibility when I will not be as coopted with the events that drag me into that pit that keeps me from making progress. I intend t see the light inside of the tunnel because it can help me to lead myself out of its constrictions.
PTSI has interfered with preparation dynamics for me. Now, I see it, I respond according to what my emotions tell me is going on, I am disposed of a lot of my former ability to control my reactions of fear, and THIS is what has to be gotten rid of in my flight to healing.
Looking at this picture; you can see a lot more of what it in front of, and around you if emotions can be placed into a checked position, movement ahead can be achieved. Closer to the end of the tunnel, may or may not yield the desired result for which I am looking, but I’d rather be open to the possibilities than surrounded by darkness, enclosure and doubt!
Here I can see that there is an opening, I can worry about what might be on the other side of it, but, there is nothing destructive that I can see coming at me, and that’s a good thing!
In opposition, this picture shows a light. But if you look more closely, you see the tracks, and then you can see the light.
Here, I have to wonder if there is a train coming towards me, ready to run me down, take my life. This is one way I see events triggered by PTSI. A tunnel lit brightly, but the tracks? I have no answer for them, there is no sound other than the loudness that is always present. If there is a train coming on these tracks, I’d never be able to hear it coming!
A willingness to take the chance to move forward is all that any of us have in fighting the demons that we feel we are facing.
I have my setbacks, that’s my human side being what it is. But PTSI doesn’t let the human side of me let go of the fears, it makes them protracted and enhanced, it makes me feel helpless. I don’t like whatever created PTSI, and I don’t like a future that can sometimes appear to be inescapable.