The best of self, is not always the best a person is expected to be. | #PTSDchat
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The best of self, is not always the best a person is expected to be.

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Friday, August 04, 2017, 12:19


Heart: a willingness to put oneself on the line for their principles and for their ideas, without the hesitation that fear can bring into a given situation. The motivation to do what it takes to get the job done.


I know and have known persons of this caliber and they are few and far between unless you look for the quality, and not for the outcome. The persons who are exhibitive of this sort of behavior are so impressively introverted at times, that it is difficult to pick them out of a crowd, but they do the work, the put in the time, and they process life through the eyes of other persons, and not just through their own.


Sit down across from one such and your eyes will not comprehend a more intriguing sight. Magnanimous, and unlimited in their want to assist others in the process of getting a life that is consistent with happiness and productivity, they give in ways that subtly prop up the less strong among us.


In contrast; we have the extroverted ego-driven person who is a braggart about things better left unsaid, and definitely left undone. But in this mind, all that they say and do is meant to impress others with their sheer brilliance, although they lack any of the shine with which they seem so impressed of! This person or group of people, make life much less comfortable for everyone with whom they come into contact. They exhaust a person’s patience from the situation and allow an already emotionally compromised person to become agitated and jumpy inside, feeling that they are being triggered to respond to a possible threat.


I made cognizant choices a long time ago, to assist, to contribute, to try. I watched many of my associates and childhood acquaintances fall away from life’s specialness, as they chose to deteriorate instead of taking a little of the energy they had, to build at least some sort of a life that made a difference that would be a positive influence upon somebody else!


I have never made any excuses for my own negative actions. If I messed up, I stood up to it, I admitted it, and if someone was hurt in the process, I apologized for inadvertently causing to that person any hurt or discomfort. However, if I felt that I had done nothing to warrant an apology, I offered none.  I guess that makes me an icehole to some of past acquaintances, but I’m alright with that. Often anyone will be less to someone than the person would expect for them to be, and I can’t claim to be exclusive in this club.


I try, and this is the only option that I have. I refuse to speak for the possibilities of another person because the reflection that always beams back into my face from the mirror is the one that looks like me and not someone else!


Maybe we place too much pressure on ourselves to portray that which we are not. There are good persons walking this earth, and I’ve met some right here, and I am so blessed to have done so, but I can also say that there are days when my negative aspects stand far and away outside of the positives which I would rather radiate to the world. I may be alone in this assessment, but I’m not alone in the truth of the statement!


My emotions are like needles in a haystack; they are there, but not easily found. So what? How does this make me any more special than is anyone else? I deserve to be treated as any human being, but I also deserve to be honest with my inner-icehole, because he exists, and to deny him, is to demean my very own identity and existence. Would this not add to the stresses under which my emotions are already suffering? Would this not be my own construction of destruction of my emotional contiguousness?


I love myself, but I am highly adamant to admit to my time of self-hatred. There are days when I won’t look into a mirror and see my reflection because I don’t want to know who I look like today. My mind is not so fragile that it can’t take a hit from time to time, but for me to deny the necessities of its ability to be mendacious, would be even more hurtful to me, when I am in a clearer state of mind! My ego won’t stand for self-inflicted falsities in its matrix, honesty is a mainline need for my mind to feel like itself.


I don’t falsify me, I OWN me, and I don’t give the keys to my self-ownership, to anyone else, ever! Join the club, self-empowerment has to be a part of who you demand of yourself, or you will fall apart! I did, and it took me a while to figure out that this was a major part f why this was the case. After having done so, I took care of the problem.


I say it, I mean it, and I live it! I own me, faults and all because I am a whole person. I suffer from PTSI effects, but I am strong enough to admit to who I am, and I may not always be proud of who that person may be at a given tie, but I am not now, nor have I ever been ashamed of me!


Be aware of yourself, be whole-minded to become self-loving, but always be honest with yourself, this is where yo will find the energy to build up strength.







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