A life of fire, should not be extinguished! | #PTSDchat
Complex PTSD

A life of fire, should not be extinguished!

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Thursday, August 3, 2017

 

Life is an amazingly complex yet exciting creation.

When you see a light get extinguished by death that is caused by artificial and brutal means, you see the importance of life differently. After the witnessing of its destruction, an awareness comes over your emotions, and your mind resets itself to an instant in time when it was fresh and unfettered by the learned non-responses to the pains of other persons.

PTSI and other emotional injuries manifestations of non-empathic responses to our neighbors. In a world where persons are absent of the ability to feel a sense of moral emplacement inside of what they see this person going through, we will collapse as a species, and the dirtiness of evil intentions will rule and ruin the world as we want it to be!

Life has heat, and this heat is from the internal fire that burns deeply within us. No individual is absent of this heat. The existence of a person is proof that heat exists, and that this heat is a congealing factor for all of the beings who walk this planet! We are one, no color, no language, no cultural differences, and no ideology can destroy the truth of this, it is what, and it is how each of us happens to be!

I can’t place myself into the position of a female’s monthly cycle to experience her pain, but I can empathize with pain. It may never feel similar or it may, but I don’t have the wherewithal to assume to interpret my pains, as she does of her own. This is not an identification of my being unsympathetic to her position, or my insensitivity of her discomfort, it just means that I can’t identify it in the same way.

People who are suffering from emotional issues are standing in the corridor, inside of the shadowy world of knowing that there is a great deal of difficulty in their lives, but the knowledge that very few are in the position to empathize with their particular type of pain and difficulty can make living a lonely venture. I know the feeling, I am there daily, sometimes less so that at other times, but daily, I remember that even though I have been categorized generically, my issues are unique to myself.

The fire inside of me wants to be felt by others, just as it is of other persons, but my inability to feel comfortable and freely able to be open about that part of my personality doesn’t exist when I have been triggered. Can anyone else know how this feels to me? Doubtful, but possible, but it won’t make me feel any better for thinking that there is a possibility that can explain it the way in which I feel it, when I can barely do so myself!

Here’s something which will seem out of place. I love myself, no, really, I do! But the problem comes in when the disconnection of feelings and emotions takes place. This is hen I don’t know whether or not I love myself, or even if I like myself very much! This is the area where I cannot fathom the possibility of someone being empathic toward me. My position is not unique but it is personal to me.

One person is sitting by a phone and asking whether or not to call a hotline, or 911 to tell them to come find the body. I feel the exactness of this agony, because I’ve been there numerous times.

I wake up quite often feeling that maybe I just don’t want to be bothered with seeing the sunlight, or feeling the heat, or hearing the phone ring or the television’s noises. What the hell, I don’t even want to hear a human voice!

Does my life have fire? I used to know that the answer is “yes!” I have to ask myself daily: “What the hell happened to me, where did I go?”

Damage may or may not be able to be repaired, but I’m trying to live with what I have.

But for me the hardest question to ponder is: “How do I find my way back, to being myself again?”

Because I can tell you this with certainty: if I can find a way to accept life as it is on a given day, I would rather that my fire NOT be extinguished!

#GoodnessOfSelfWorth

#IOwnMe

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