Pages from a book, most people don't want to read. | #PTSDchat

Pages from a book, most people don’t want to read.

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Monday, August 21, 2017, 1755 Hrs.


The Absolute Truth, of the inner me!

No, you can’t look it up on the New York Time’s best-seller list, because it hasn’t been written yet! But I can tell you that it is being written, right now, at this exact point in the measurement we all refer to as “time”.

You know who is doing the writing of this book? You, me, and everyone else in the world who is drawing a breath and thinking a thought, or speaking a word, painting a stroke on a canvas, singing a lyric or playing a note on an instrument. Well. that is, every living person is, has, and will be writing this book of inner-truths.

No person alive, no matter how rich or poor, no matter how educated or not, is a master writer of every page, every letter, punctuation, sentence, paragraph, and chapter that this book will have inside of its cover. The book, which will only stop being written after the last human being has drawn and exhaled his or her last breath, will continue, sometimes Ad Nauseam.

Human history has been revised t show the species as such an interestingly intellectually superior race, but in truth, we have been life’s greatest adversaries. Thus, if I use a biblical term: “The Satan IS, the lord of this world”, because of the term “The Satan”, meaning ‘The Adversary”! I must say here that people have been most adversarial to life, of all types, especially to its own throughout its walking upon the hardness of the surface, the traveling upon the liquidity of its seas, and flying through the lightness of its atmosphere.

I am writing about this subject today because I too am an author of a few of the pages of this book. And some of my pages are intractably negative in their content. Some of the pages show me to be patriotic (Whatever the hell this means!) person. Patriots to my mind, are the people who are willing to kill in the name of a so-called nationality. The process is counter-productive to the continued successes of our species.

Armies, navies, air forces, what have you, make humans the evil of this world. They make us the liars who make p falsities about our benevolent natures when we are more apt to commit unspeakably egregious crimes against one another in the name of self-interests and promoting the safety of national boundaries and all other types of bullshit reasoning that have no reality in the scheme of living a life.

Emotional traumas, almost all of them are caused by the actions of human beings. Almost anyone who has ever had now, or ever will have an emotional injury will receive it from the acts and actions of another person or a group of people. This is the truth I speak about in my internal conversation about PTSI.

In my pages, there are no numbers, and the chronology can be a little screwed up to get around, but this is cool because it only truly matters to me anyway. What matters to anyone else, is the fact that my emotional injury issues can happen in a public way. How I can have a triggered event might be intrusive into someone else’s life, and cause them to feel uncomfortable and frightened.

We can have an impact, and this can be positive or negative in the ways that they are perceived. I don’t know how I impact the world when I have an event, every time I have one, but somehow I can’t believe that they are not frightening in their manifestations because I know that they often scare the hell out of me!

Aftermaths, come and they go… sometimes, but then there are those times when the death-knell is ringing in my head, as I try to walk out of the door of my house, or try to call someone I care about, or just go sit on my damned patio! This is a page I try not to read, one that I wish would have never come into existence and one that I wish would just burn away and disappear before it can be read again.

What about you? The person who is reading this right now? Are you afraid or angry at any of your pages? Have you gained the ability to lessen their irritatingly aggressive intrusions into your life or into the lives of the people around you?

PTSI is required of questions and honest answers, or it maintains the ability to limit your life. It utilizes a power that is only dreamt of or read of, in science fiction, comic books, or seen in fantasy movies. We are not actors in a scripted motion picture, we are persons living in a world and this world is not always conducive to the laying out of a lifestyle of benevolence and compassion.

I live a life of severe truthfulness, I try and I succeed (NOW!) in never telling lies. This makes some people very uncomfortable with me, it makes them crawl into a shell to keep from having to be honest about themselves. For many people, this is uncomfortably close and painful as there are so many who have built a wall of lies around themselves for protection, not so much from the outside, but from who they truly are, for who they are at the core of themselves, the one person from whom there are no escape routes without a highway of lies to falsify the truth at least for a little while.

Framed into the editor’s set of instructions are the conveniently stale demands to be a conformist, demands that will not work when one is telling the internal story of one’s own truth. This is why the story will not be on a best seller’s list because it will forever be in fluctuations, it will always be in play, it will always be changing and updating its storyline. Proof positive that the inner-truth story can never truly be published. It is my hope that something someday will read it as it was, and not as it has been revised to be.

PTSI, emotional trauma, mental illnesses of all types, are all created by the machinations of other human beings, and NOT by chemically imbalanced mutations of the brains of the victims of its momentously obtuse existence!

Which side of even a good page are you willing to turn to in the hope that there is nothing detrimental on the other side of it? Are you afraid to see, or are you becoming aware that no matter how vicious it may seem to be, your story HAS to be told?

Our stories, they all MUST be told, we have to find a way to make our ripples in the stream of life be seen and felt, even if it means that we step outside of the safety zones we’ve created for ourselves. I know this clearly because I do it every, day! I’m not special, but I am unique, I’m just like every other person on this planet!

I believe that we, the people who are willing to admit that we have PTSI issues, are a bit more honest than are most others, because we say it to ourselves, and we say it to others. I can tell my story because it makes me who I have to be, the one and the only self, who is aware of the truth of who he truly is inside a book that is being written, good, bad, beautiful and the ugly, all at the same time. I’m not ashamed of who I am, and I’m sure as hell not ashamed of having emotional injuries that cause me to have events and issues. I’m just not proud of it either.

I am aware, I am interested, I am unswerving in my mission to commit my every available ounce of energy to disturbing the disturbance. I’m going to try to let “IT” feel what’s it’s like being on the other side of its own coin!

The book, whether or not you like to read, is not going to stop being written, it’s just going to get thicker and it is going to be uplifting, frightening, degrading, demanding of your attention, interesting, boring, educational, funny, sad, and it will have all the character it will ever need, because the character comes from the uniqueness of an individual who is unlike anyone else, now, before, or who will ever be!
Good writing, and don’t forget to read as you go along; you’re probably a lot more interesting than you are allowing yourself to believe.

You may not be comfortable with all of this, I’m not even sure that I am, but life is necessary, and so too, is your book!

You make the difference based upon you being you, it won’t change if you think that you don’t see yourself as an author, because you are, and you’re a damned good one at that!



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