An Encouragement in Rediscovery | #PTSDchat

An Encouragement in Rediscovery

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Rediscovery was suggested to me by Paul Jockimo, as this week’s chat topic.

When I thought about it, I realized how very much on one musical rediscovery path I was. I have been for a while. This is how I bonded again with music, and myself…

Throughout quite a number of years, I have experienced multiple soul-crushing events, and some were one-on-another. It got to the point that things that I thought were a part of my being actually hurt to encounter. Music, surprisingly to me, was one of them.

From four years old, I had taken some kind of dance or music lesson. Before that, I recall swinging on a swing while listening to old records for hours with my grandfather. Music was so much a part of me, I never even considered it could become otherwise.

At one point, several years ago, I gave up the connection to music, and really to my own heart and soul. When I tried to go back, the emotional pain was too great, and I had nothing to contribute, musically, at that point anyway. What used to be stress relief and creativity really was, while still “there”, of essentially no comfort to me at all. It honestly felt that that part of me had died. So much else, and so many, were gone by that time that it didn’t seem to matter anyway.

Lack is a driving force, but so are memories. And certainly, so are friends! It took our own Christopher to paint a picture of music from his view that brought back memories, but was also an interesting related adventure that was just too good not to join! So we discussed music, we listened to music, I asked technical questions and got fascinating information. And then I read his words that if you are able to play, that that is a gift given to you that you should not waste.

While never really having been at a performance level myself, for the most part, I was still able to rediscover parts of me that I thought might have been lost forever, just by playing. Natural rhythms, which are a part of everything in life, starting with a heartbeat, are healing when rediscovered and put back into use. I actually believe that like natural rhythms bond you with other people in many different ways.

By playing old favorite songs, and singing, my grandfather was with me again. All the good times in school were also there. Memories of music and dance teachers and their words of encouragement came alive again. My world, part in actuality, part in memory, surrounded me again. I took it from there.

I am playing and singing again, mostly just for me. Music is healing me. It is an outlet, and a creative process that allows me to be a part of something timeless.

Thankfully, a friend stepped in and helped me see things differently, and get me back on track. He, with time, patience and caring, redirected my thinking and musical experiences until the pain left, and the true meaning of music came back to me. It did not happen right away.

It takes time and practice to learn what you really feel initially, is important to you, and how to arrive at and live in that important place. It can take as long in the rediscovery, and changes in self have to also be factored in, but the time and effort is worth it. You are worth it. I hear that said by a lot of friends on here, and they are right. They are also there for you to show you that you are also worth their time. That means everything to me.

Thank you to all who give their time, patience, hearts and souls to help each one of us, and who make this world a much better place…

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