Thursday, October 12, 2017, 1800 Hrs.
I have a family, they are the people who are closely related to me by blood and gene accessibility, the nearness of what makes us, well …us, makes our relationships rather fragile beyond the point of liking and loving one another. It shouldn’t go any further than this stage or it gets weird!
Friendship is even weirder because we meet people, we like them, or we don’t. some of them we’ll want to get to know better and form a relationship of sharing with them, or just someone to talk to from time to time. Or, we will find those persons who will fill a void we were unaware we had inside of ourselves, and these persons will be the right fixative for the breach that was there. Wow, this is a special event in anyone’s life, even if they are unaware of the fact that it should be so.
Money, jewels, gold, silver it all adds up to the things that mean nothing more than purchasing power, and this is always temporary. Think about the times you’ve purchased a car; sooner or later, you’ll see another one and want to replace the one you’re driving now, with a newer model. Friends don’t cause this reaction inside of us. When we have a good friend, we want to keep that friend forever, we want to die with that person still being in our lives, not a replacement who stands for nothing more than a facsimile of what the original really was to us. There are no copies that take the places of good friends, there are no responsive replacements who can make me feel as good inside as the real person does. I have met friends this way on this site. And to me, they are now a part of my family, persons whom I love and care for an about!
The best thing that I can say about my trip with PTSI, is that I have met some truly uplifting persons here, and now, my life feels empty when I don’t hear from any of them for a long period of time. I don’t say this lightly, it means the world to me, that there are persons on this earth, who care enough about me, to be concerned about my health and my continued existence on this earth! No way to minimize, how much these additions to my life mean to me!
Come close, I have a secret to tell you: (whispering) “I have an emotional injury, and sometimes I’m affected in negative ways, but I still have people who care about me, and not about a condition that is not of my own making!” (whispering) “Shh, don’t tell anyone, they might tell other people!”
I fell into a pit awhile ago, but I was so busy denying it that I wouldn’t admit that something as wrong with me. I had heard so many stigmatizing things about people who have emotional illnesses that I would not dare to think that I could be dealing with one myself! I was a cowardly person and my mind was made to suffer even more so as I tried to cover up what I was going through! I wasted so many days of my life, so many hours, and I left a lot of myself on a personal battleground which should never have existed. Damn!
I won’t name anyone as a friend in this writing because they know who they are, and if I should be wrong in my assumption that they I fact are my friends, the blow would crush me.
Another secret: (whispering) “some lady named Kate on this site, saved my life, right here on this site!”
To others have kept me grounded and tuned in with the music I had forgotten existed in the world. Their openness to this strange laughing person has been a gift from God, and I pray for them always.
Yes, friends, look for them to show up, you don’t have to expend energy in looking for them because God will place them where you need for them to be.