Tuesday, October 17, 2017, 2200 Hrs.
Outside of who I am, everyone is a relative stranger, even someone who cares about me, they can never experience what I experience, even if they are having a series of events that are similar to my own because they experience it through their own senses.
For the people who see me dealing with issues related to PTSI, it is hot easy for them to ascertain my problems, or place their emotions where mine might happen to be.
“Oh, why don’t you just try to think happy thoughts?” or the old “it’s not as bad as you think, you’re making it worse by accepting it!” far too many opinions, without the benefit of having an experience with what it truly happening to me. I can’t say that the advice doesn’t make me feel a bit angry when I hear it, who is this person to make lightly of this vicious conflagration of emotional fires that are attacking me?
“can’t you just brush it off and not think about it?” uh, about that, yeah…uh no, no I can’t just brush it off! This anomaly has become a part of me, and even though I despise its presence, ignoring it r pretending that it doesn’t exist, would probably do me much more harm than if I admit to it, and try to heal from the damage that caused it in the first place. It’s not a case of diarrhea from eating too much Halloween candy!
I cap conversations with untrained “experts” who offer ridiculously limited forms of advice, by asking them if they have any issues they should be admitting to, any abnormalities that interrupt their lives? This single question has the effect of changing the conversation, making the atmosphere less comfortable for the smugness that was previously emanating from the mouth of the smart-ass who tried to belittle a serious battle that is raging inside of me.
I answer a lot of questions about PTSI, not the least of which angers me is the one about “What does it feel like to have it?” this insensitive and stupid question always gets under my skin!
See this from a different perspective for just a moment.
Emotional disruptions as a safety ramp. A way for over pressurizing emotional disturbances to escape their flashpoints, by being able to get off of the highway, and allowing for the mind to slow down and to take over the wheel again. What if PTSIs is a natural way for a person to emotionally survive the events that will manifest themselves as events later on after the passage of time has allowed for the memories to manifest as intrusions? Are we normal for having these abnormalities? Questions have to be asked, they have to be looked at as a necessary aspect of living?
I remember that I am an intelligent person and that I have learned so much about what I didn’t know before, and I have learned that more importantly, I don’t know a whole hell of a lot about anything of importance! Not to put me down, but knowing is not so much being in control of knowledge as it is being aware of its existence. Maybe we know too much, maybe this is the core cause of PTSI, an overload of knowledge.
Try not to demean yourself over this. The disturbance inside of you is not necessarily the end of the road, t may be the road that you were meant to travel. None of us can ever know the true “why” of our having to deal with emotional issues, but we can know whether or not we’ll stay with dealing with it.
I’m in it to win it, able to be disabled at times, I’m not special but as I say: “I own me!”