OK, so I went shopping, after all! | #PTSDchat

OK, so I went shopping, after all!

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Monday, October 30, 2017, 2245 Hrs.


I told all of you in a recent blog that I don’t go shopping. The usual is that the statement is truthful, but … I did something the week after that I almost never do: I broke my mold and I went SHOPPING!


I felt safe enough, I was coming from a VA appointment, so I was feeling a little braver than usual.


We arrived at the store, and I had just enough time during the ride, to tell myself that I would be going inside, it wouldn’t be a long outing, and we weren’t going to get very much, so, it was “off to see the aisles and the piles of junk in the store” time for me!


As I walked toward the entrance, I remembered that I really didn’t want to do this, I just wanted to go back home and get out of the heat and away from the public. Little else is as difficult for me than to go into a store to shop, and y other blog o this subject explained the “why” of this statement.


Passing through the automatic doors, I was reminded of to where it was I was going and I immediately started to feel less comfortable. My heart started to pounding, my head started to hurt, and my temperature went up ad I began to sweat. The panic was starting up, and as usual, I couldn’t stop it! Now I’m inside of the great beast, and I know that I would rather not be, so I was hoping to calm down and just be there for the moment and not stress over the process. Of course, this didn’t work, so I just dealt with it as I walked down one corridor and then another.


Walking down one corridor, I felt a little uneasy, a little apprehensive, and a lot less comfortable. As I walked, I felt a little pain coming on in my left knee, and then, a lot of pain, and then my knee hyper-extended and I fell toward the shelving, striking it hard enough to jolt the milk and cookies out of my already injured body! All I could do was try to balance on my cane to keep from falling all the way to the floor! My wife pushed a cart to me and I used that for support, I was lucky, but hurt.


Shopping, who in the hell needs it!? I knew something bad would happen to me if I walked into that store and still, trying to overcome that demon, I went in, and for my trouble, I got more trouble!


Now, I’m back on track again. Not looking for any reason to go shopping in a store, and not trying to give me excuses to try it anytime soon! Not going shopping? This is normal for me, so I’ll be contented to live this way for now. I have grown tired of trying to live differently than I feel like I should be.


I can reaffirm without hesitation or reservation, that I am not a shopper, and I will not force myself to go against my natural disdain for this activity, ever again!

There, take that, PTSI!





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