Wednesday, November 22, 2017, 1400 Hrs.
Emotions are strange things, they exist, yet we can’t see them, they have the energy yet we can’t access the action of its flowing, we can feel the effects of its doing so. This powerful but elusive characteristic can make me react to stimuli I am not consciously aware are even around me, but it helps in a big way when this “partner” is working properly!
an affective state of consciousness in which joy, sorrow, fear, hate, or the like, is experienced, as distinguished from cognitive and volitional states of consciousness.
Affect–to impress the mind or move the feelings.
We are in a constant state of being affected, most of the time we are not aware of this, but we are, and it is because of this marvel of biological engineering, the human body. This mechanical marvel is so instructive to itself, that it acts independently and at the speed of something much faster than that of thought. The design is ingenious, to a fault; or should I say a set of faults?
PTSI (Post Traumatic Stress Injury) is called into play by innumerable circumstances and causes. We couldn’t list them all, even if all of the persons on earth, added their own add-ons to the list!
The one thing I try never to do is to make an absolute statement of conclusion without knowing for a fact that the answer is reproducible in every instant when it is asked. I cannot concede to my necessity to find answers t PTSI by saying that this is exactly what causes it or anyone or this is what will cure it for anyone either, I have to explore and experiment until I can either find the answers I seek or I do not. My lifetime may not last long enough for me to accomplish this, so until I can know for certain, everything that I allude to is speculation and experimentation on my part.
I am searching and I am collecting information from every source which I can find. This is what makes the chat, and the site such a dynamic addition to my life. I can listen as well as I can opine. I can learn as well as teach. This is my way, learn, prove, teach.
I’ve heard it, and I know others have as well: “I know that you’re going through something tough, but why don’t you just think better thoughts, and just try to get over it?” I can answer this easily: because of an attack against one’s safety core, is not an easy thing to “get over”! It takes exploration into the “W’s”. Who, what, when, why? These are not easily assessed nor accessed, it takes time and courage and it takes a willingness to re-expose oneself to the traumatically influential event(s) that produced the injury(s) in the first place! Tell me, and be honest if you do, that there are more than a few people who will easily and willingly do this, without a great deal of motivation.
I got over events, but not memories. I got over incidents, but not refreshers to those incidents. I got into forgetting until I started to remember. And this is the process that can be overwhelmingly repetitive and decisively debilitating to anyone who has known the damages of an unsafe sense of being, as it is an encumbrance to inner safety, and produces hyper-vigilant emotions and even actions, in an attempt to protect one from a reoccurrence.
If an outsider wants to experience my emotional life for just an hour, he or she would run quickly back to give it back over to me! There is no way for me to explain in its most incapacitating fullness, the way in which PTSI affects every aspect of my life. So don’t ask me and expect that I can accomplish it to your satisfaction, or you WILL be disappointed!
I need to apologize to those people who may be reading this from the “outside” of this condition. I don’t expect for them to understand any of this. The fears, the expectations of events to interrupt everyday activities. The wanting to hide from life and social situations, none of it! Because PTSI is unique, and it is quantitatively injurious to the person. Over time, it can add up, and cause even more weakening of the resolve to find a solution to bring some relief.
Here at ptsdchat.org, I have found a place where I can read and listen to the experiences and the findings of other people who are going through this tunnel of emotional darkness and its flashes of explosive noises and brilliantly bright lights, to know that I am not alone, I may be individually unique, but not the condition that plagues my very soul. I am one of many, and one of one, all at the same time. And I get to draw a great deal of strength, from the “many” part that I exist within!
Happy Thanksgiving Day to those who celebrate it, and to those who don’t! we should all be thankful for having this ability to reach out and to react as a group in this way. I thank the universal spirit for it, because it, and those here, have saved me from the depths of wanting to take my own life!
I am even thankful to those who say that I should “just get over it!” because they make me concentrate on the fact that there are some who will give up, if people like myself, and the great people on the chat and on this site, don’t keep adding their pieces to the conversation.