Thursday, November 30, 2017, 1400 Hrs.
I was emotionally impacted, unable to release my feelings because I didn’t know how to get the process started. Starting, this is always difficult unless you are in a race or giving a speech or are involved in some other activities that are self-instructional in how to get them started.
Emotionally impacted persons can be unaware of whether or not they should tap into their wellsprings of thoughts. Most people who have fallen into this category are afraid already because there is no real reason for their interpretations as to why they have the issues. Inside they are confused and circling the emotional “airport” waiting for landing clearance. I know for me, I felt that I was running low on fuel and if something didn’t clear up and soon, I would crash.
Decisions are not always easy, even for people who are not dealing with emotionally disruptive issues. I didn’t expect to find a way to solve my “landing” problem in time.
I finally accepted one truth; I had to get some help from another source because I wasn’t solving it on my own. That was the most difficult part, finding someone I could trust to talk about it. Nothing was going to be better than knowing how to get help, nothing was worse than not knowing how to go about getting the help that I needed. I’m sure that I’m not the owner of exclusive rights to this sort of an issue, I have spoken to others who were definitely in the same place.
First I spoke with a licensed social worker who made suggestions that were just not strong enough to grab me into the interest of doing them. Listening to hopeful music, and lectures about mindfulness, and seeing colorful depictions of musical scores as they played. In my thoughts, I saw this is a something which could help someone who was already getting stronger, but right then, I was weak, and I needed more intensive structures to hold me up as I went through the process.
Let me say this: there are no ideal solutions that are universal. What works r me might make you feel worse, what works for you, might cripple me more so than not seeking help at all.
I believe that one of the first steps for anyone to take, is to say “I know there’s something wrong, I need help identifying it!” and then… go and seek that help! If I could allow someone else to help me, believe me, anyone else can! (I’m a hardcore case for keeping my feelings bottled up and I don’t share them very readily!)
For someone to be unreceptive of help, in the beginning, is not such a surprise. As a matter of fact, for me it was like going to war, I just didn’t know how to open up and to trust a stranger with my innermost feelings. I still have difficulty in doing this, but it takes steps, and I’m still taking my own.
Finding a comfortable way to speak about what you are feeling is a good first step, as a matter of fact, it is what helped me t step out into a different form of myself. It was not an easy process, but I got lucky, I went to groups at the VA, I talked with a good psychologist, and then as I fell deeper into depression, and one day found myself at the end of my road, I found #PTSDchat on Twitter. It was totally by a strange incident that it happened, but it saved my life that day. It made me stop and sit down to think about what my actions would lead to for those I would be leaving behind. Believe me, I didn’t like the picture I was about to draw.
I joined my first chat and a second, and I started to participate, and I got encouragement from members on the site to join in and to contribute to the conversations. After I saw a point to where they were taking this struggle, I accepted that maybe I could belong here, maybe I was worth another chance on myself. (and I’m saying this to anyone who is on the fence about whether or not they should give themselves a chance by joining in on #PTSDchat and the ptsdchat.org site, I’m telling you, that you should get back on the ground, and set a footing of stability for yourself.)
Be harsh with your instabilities, tell them that they will have to take a back seat to your need to be whole again, so they’ll have to wait for something else to do! Be hard on PTSI, take into the woodshed and tan its hide!
I can’t tell anyone how to do this, but I can tell anyone that not doing anything, will only make your life miserable and untenable for the long haul. Don’t do this to yourself, for the sake of your life, please don’t do it! No matter what it is that has caused your condition, remember that it was not your fault. Make this your mantra is need be. (PTSI is not my fault!) hum it, chant it, sing it, live it!
This is about steps, and this is laying out only a couple of those I have made, they helped me, and I’m a hard case. So I believe that they will be helpful to most anyone who tries them.
PTSI is invasive and it will lie to you, it will make things seem different than they really are, especially about you in a personal way. You are NOT PTSI(D), you are dealing with its ramifications. You DO matter, and there won’t be any reason for you not t at least give yourself a chance.
Step into your life, step forward, sideways, backward, jump up if necessary, but you will have to put in the makings of a foundation for yourself. Fear is a real emotion; fear left unchecked and given energy by a force that has significant abilities to cause enforcement of negativity is almost unmanageable for many a person.
I am hoping that we can start and continue on the pathway to inner peace and wholeness of mind. Dealing with PTSI and any emotional illness takes honesty on our parts, it takes a willingness to lace ourselves in a position which may seem vulnerable at first, but as we grow into our new strength and understandings, we will become able to process and mindfully deal with what is going on within our minds.
Steps, steps, and more steps, coupled with willingness and openness. It all adds up.