Wednesday, January 10, 2018, 0100 Hrs.
Today, in this world, I mean right now, at this very moment, I can see you! I can see you and that you are contemplating the “final option”! I can tell you that you shouldn’t do it, but then I am left with the monumental task of explaining to you why you shouldn’t and this is the big problem for anyone, especially someone who has not been trained in the psychological arts, or so it is said to be.
I don’t believe that you have to look up in some book, why a person should choose life over suicide.
My only out here is to tell you that you need to live one more day, to see if you can come up with your own reason not to kill yourself, this is the quest of all persons, living because you are alive. Oh, hell yeah, it’s not always an easy thing to accomplish and I know this first hand, so I’m not just talking about some blind-sided notion of right and wrong. The blade was in my hand, I still have the hole that was a result of the pressure I placed upon it, just before I thought it through enough to take one last look at my computer screen. And there it was, this strangely attractive zebra, painted by someone I’d never heard of before.
The moments of our lives are not predicated on some agreed upon scale or spreadsheet, it is random and it is a wonderfully exciting thing if it is not interrupted by unnecessary injuries and abuse. Who knows why some people become abusive, and to the person who is being abused without any explanation to go along with the treatment, who gives a damn, right?
Well, anyone who is reading this probably does, that’s who! Can you handle that you’ll be letting down so many people whom you’ve never even met, but actually do care about you enough to give up an hour of their time each week to say to you, that’s it might be troubling, but you can make it and they will do everything that they can to help you? Well, can you?
I found this site when I was so low emotionally that I could have counted the scales under a snake’s belly. But this site is real,, and it is working towards the inclusion that most of us have lost. We’ve lost it to the seclusion of our inner selves, as we try to escape from emotional pains that are almost indescribable.
The message is simple: we’re distracted by a distortion in our inner-beings, and any distortion has a way to be corrected. Time, of course, is one of the only footholds to solution-finding, but our lack of patience gets in the way and makes us stand statically waiting for the “pop, and bang!” of a magical ending to our problems to arrive. It never happens this way, and when we choose to demand of the universe that it should, we set ourselves up to take that “final leap over the edge” and there is no coming back, there is no do-overs, no reset buttons. PTSI(D) and all emotional illnesses and injuries are damned difficult with which to deal, and here, you’ll not only hear that truth, you’ll hear attempts to help you on the way to healing.
Praise God, for people like those who come here to help us all! Wow, did you see that? I can even use the word “God” here, and no one will attack me for having done so! You’ve got to love it! And then, love YOU! Come on, do this… you know that if you didn’t want to, you wouldn’t be here now. I know this, because I was in the same place as you are right now, seriously, this isn’t a joke, I’m just making it less tense by trying to use a little jocularity.
One must find one’s smile again if the intensity of emotional illness is going to be diminished at times of severe loneliness. Music, drawing, painting. (even if you can’t draw or paint!) take up an activity, chanting an meditation, singing around the house, with actual sheet music, learn how to play an instrument of some kind, even if it takes to time to get from really bad, to really so-so. Perfection is not a requirement to be a good person!
Take up your own cause, there are people here who will actually help you, they will stand with you as best they can, and they will give to you advice with a tinge of freedom for your own voice to chime in. it’s not demanding, except upon the person who is dealing with the severe depression that has brought them to the brink.
This is an exciting site to have an opportunity to come to and to see the posts, and the wonderful artwork of Kate and all of the helpful links and insights. It’s like hitting the healing-from-here jackpot!
I can’t make this journey any easier for anyone, I certainly haven’t made it any easier for myself, but that’s OK, I am at least on my way. And I hope that you too will follow in the footsteps which are imprinted in front of you. They may take you someplace you may not want to go at times, but you can change directions and find fresh perspectives and points of view.
I wish you luck and happiness.