Wednesday, January 31, 2018, 1705 Hrs.
I have had toxic relationships throughout my life and some of them lasted far too long to have made any sense if I was in my right mind at the time. I am very extroverted when it comes to dealing with the people in my life who have a closeness to me in the relationship aspect of myself.
Dealing with the extra deluge of emotional stresses placed upon me by PTSI is no help to be sure, but I still have the wherewithal to stand my ground and make a play to win in this seemingly endless game of “hide and seek”. Plenty of people share their thoughts on how I should pray, or just leave it up to God to take the problem away from me, and you know what? I’ve tried this, I pray daily, I believe in God, but I also believe that there are the tasks that we must perform for ourselves and not just ignore them in the attempt to act as if they no longer exist.
What is ailing me exists, and it is pervasive at times, and it is always attempting to be persuasive as well. It wants to talk me into doing something I would normally not even consider in the normal process of my daily thinking. I see the perpetrator we call “emotional illness” as a scruff-necked parasitical pile of dung that needs to be cleaned and the area left behind, sanitized beyond all levels of necessity until nothing similar can ever grow there again!
Emotions are something we talk about in this place very often, and there are many people who equate this word with the predominant assumption of someone who is out-of-control, and not someone who is in the course of dealing naturally with people, relationships and life in general. We all have the use of emotions to guide us through the fields of different experiential conformities we deal with, the emotional mind is the referee of right or wrong and we are somewhat lost without its presence.
What do you see as being dead?
I won’t answer this, as I have added it here as a question for all of you to answer for your own edifications. Have we ascended the necessity to feel that death is the last thing that we want to achieve? Because there was a point in time when I was ready to make it the next move, and it wasn’t something that was an inevitable thing, it was a pre-planned personal choice! Most significant on the “Scary-scale”, trust me on this!
I have posted a number of blog posts under the headline of mindfulness,, and I stopped earlier today and thought about this. I wondered if everyone even knows what this means? I had to learn about it myself, so if you don’t know, don’t be embarrassed, asking works, but I have added as a footnote here on this page, what it means at least to some extent. If anyone else here is like I am, understanding and knowledge are important, so… I research and I add where I remember to do so. PTSI may be dominant at times, but not at all times. I will get the information I need, because wanting it for me, is a need!
We are conditioned to accept less than our best. We are taught that being conformist and subjugate is the best way to live. While as we do so, we leave behind the most important of our aspects: our individuality!
The concept of being a group member is not a human trait, and the teaching of this sort of thinking is as abusive as being beaten with a cord across one’s back! We are born into an individual existence. We cry for our own food, comfort, and safety. We draw our first pictures as we see the world, but in as coherent a way as we can at this point in our lives. There is no rule book for individuality, just one rule and only one: do not use your individuality to be destructive of other persons’!
Look at the strings on a guitar; they are individually placed and spaced, and they can play a range of tones independently of every other on the instrument, and even when they are played together, each holds on for its own identities and properties to make a unified sound. Amazing as it may sound; humans are the models for all musical instruments. It has always been about the unification of individuality to make an enjoyable environment!
Today, most of us cannot imagine a world where we do not have access to music. This might cause many of us to lose control of our emotions because we like music so much, and in liking something, it becomes a pure necessity to our emotions and our subconscious minds. I love music, it has been a major part of my life as far back as I can recall. All of my family are/were singers and musicians, so my coming so strongly into that identity just makes a lot of sense to me.
How are we confused about what truly makes us happy? We are taught to be this way, that’s how! Schooling teaches us to learn in only one way, where the pathways of an individual’s neural net may be such that it has no other options than to learn it in another. This takes time and patience to learn, and the process begins immediately after birth. It is we, the older human beings who are out of this loop. The babies know exactly what they want and they make no bones about it. Babies have it by the short hairs if you ask me!
Convergence of thoughts can be a happy or a disheartening experience depending on what the thoughts happen to be. Most of us are less than independent of our thoughts because they just seem to meet where they don’t really coincide as conveniently as we would have liked. Maybe blue and pink clash as a thought pattern when we were hoping for blue and yellow to come together to make green. Maybe it’s up and up instead of up and down. Whatever the case may be, we do not always achieve the best convergence of thought and those times can cause stress to someone who is already experiencing a triggered emotional incident.
Chewing a piece of gum can be a good experience. Falling asleep and getting the gum tangled in ones’ hair can be a vexing series of events. It could make you late for school work, and appointment, it could force one to cut off hair that was not expected or wanted. The point is that the even an enjoyable experience can become one of a negative set of issues to deal with later.
These are issues that need mindfulness to accept, to deal with, to dispose of properly, and then, to move onward in our lives. I know that I refuse to stay in the negative state if I can at all help from doing so. It never feels good and it certainly doesn’t work for me. This is where mindfulness practice comes in handy; helping me to ascertain the usefulness of the information I am dealing with at a moment or whether or not I need to find a way to simply rid myself of its presence through purposeful thinking, maybe even through meditation.
Where do you stand on this one? Like babies, each of us has a different response to every situation, even if they are somewhat similar in their content.