Words can make this journey even more difficult.
I have been under treatment for PTSD for a few years now and I have to say that some of the terminologies were tripping me up in the beginning. Some of the words were confusing as to what they meant and as to where they fit in with my particular situation. I can’t say that this is for all of the people who come here or who have ever been treated for emotional injuries/illnesses, but for me, it presented a set of questions which made me deflect quite a bit from my quest to find out what in the hell was going on inside of me.
Let’s start with “mindfulness”:
- the quality or state of being conscious or aware of something.: “their mindfulness of the wider cinematic tradition”.
- a mental state achieved by focusing one’s awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one’s feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations, used as a therapeutic technique.
Pretty cool to know when you are in this search for clarity and healing. It just makes sense to understand words that are being used around us, it makes us know something out of the ordinary, and come to grips with a new set of knowledge. Wow! Absolutely intense!
There are numerous ways to make the attempt to feel better than I do at any given time, but growing up I found that most of these involved the usage of synthetic happy-makers. And I couldn’t go into that mode of living. Waking up to get the next fix, hiding my sickness inside of the shame of an addiction that was not the cause of my original search.
What makes a mind anyway?
The element of a person that enables them to be aware of the world and their experiences, to think, and to feel; the faculty of consciousness and thought
Are we necessary to possess what this represents or are we more or less the recipients of overt expectations to form a basis of acting and reacting to life that is socially acceptable? Some of us are better at this than others, and I will probably have to add my name to the exceptions list.
We are all looking for something to make the feelings we have to line up in an order that makes us feel less conflicted and less confused about life. For whatever reason(s) we all have an emotional intensity that is not always under control.
We can be mindful of every aspect of our life. Nothing that is disruptive has to remain so if we are diligent in our search for ways to minimize not only the effects but the incidents themselves. Bemoaning the density of the fog we may be experiencing at any given moment, we can conclude the matters that instruct our brains to violently respond to our inner selves.
Do our dreams actually describe the person we see ourselves as being and that person is the one we hate the most? Or have we been so impacted by forceful content that our level of confusion is demanding to be heard from? Where is the leveling-off portion of emotional illness to be found?
What if I am never to find a way to become leveled off again? Does this make me less than worthy of human dignity and respect which should be given? Or, maybe I should at times forget that I don’t feel like socializing, fit in and talk the same smack as everyone else is doing, just to give myself the illusion of being “normal”? Normal has a lot of junk attached to what it is supposed to be. Normal for one, is abnormal for someone else. Sweet to one is bitter to someone else because it is too sweet. Confusing yet, understandable.
PTSI(D) is what I have, it is not who or what I am, so stop misidentifying me, because even more so than the issues I face, this element pisses me off, more than most!
Find peace, live peace, deny chaos.