Saturday, March 10, 2018, 0320 Hrs.
Death: the action or fact of dying or being killed; the end of the life of a person or organism
I know death on an all-too-intimate basis. Don’t think that I am saying that I have any more extensive experience with death than anyone else because this is not my point. What I am saying is that my experiences like anyone else’s are expressly my own, and I’ve had too much experience with it as far as I am concerned! This is my take, this is my understanding of it, and this is how I think of it.
I saw a friend get run over by a car and killed when I was around seven or so years of age. I was saddened by this death, but I was also confused. He was so young and we were just running and playing together seconds before it happened. I asked everyone there, “how can he be dead, he’s too young to die, right?” the church pastor was there because it happened practically in front of his house, so he said to me, “Son, death is not about age, it’s about the life of the person no longer working as it should, so it goes to a place we can’t know until we ourselves get there!”
I went to the hospital with the family, and I watched his mother as she broke down and screamed about the loss of her child. A friend was dead, he was my age, and he was as happy-go-lucky as I was, but here he was, lying on the bed, dead, not breathing, not talking or laughing, he was just, lying there, looking like he was asleep. No pained look on his face, it was like being dead was a treat for him, so it confused me why all of the cryings that were going on, I heard in services how we should all look forward to the “heavenly homegoing”, and here it was, my friend was gone to that place, but everyone seemed so upset. This was confusing me, I needed to find out why.
That night, after I went home, I wouldn’t go to bed, I had to read the bible because that’s where all of the stories had come from. But first, I prayed to God. I asked Him to listen to me for a while as I talked and prayed to Him.
“God, I don’t know why I’m supposed to trust you, but everyone says that I should. I go to church and they talk about you and they say how much You love us, and how much You care, but today, my best friend was taken away to come to Your home. I don’t understand why, could You tell me, so it makes some sense to me, please? His mother is broken up by this, and she’s one of the loudest prayers in the whole church. She’s always talking about how Your plans shouldn’t be questioned, but tonight, she screamed at you, “Why my boy, God?” and I didn’t hear You answer her question. Am I wrong to think that You might be a little rude, or maybe not even be there at all? I’m just a little kid, but I’ve read the bible at least eight times cover to cover and even though some of it makes sense, some it seems to be a little off-message to me.in Exodus, You command us not to kill, but in the next few chapters, You tell those same people to kill everything n the land You’re giving to them! Kill all living things, and destroy the non-living things as well. That was kind of scary for a little kid like me to read. Can You tell me if I’m getting this wrong, please? I need to know if I should be crying because I am going to miss my friend, or if I should be happy for him that he is getting to come to Your house? It’s all so confusing if You’re not too busy, could you please give me an answer, I want to tell his mother something to help her feel better. Amen!”
That was it, I asked God to tell me something, I never got the answer, and yet, for some reason, I never lost the belief that a God of some sort must be there, there’s so much that is, and man can’t even like each other, so I know he didn’t take time to make any of the beauty I could see all over the place!
My problem was in trying find a way to explain what I thought God was or how he was to be more specific. How do I explain why I believe in something I’ve never seen or heard or touched? It takes belief of a different kind to accept the possibility of something like God, and I knew this, even as a little kid! I just don’t know how to tell it to anyone else, because i was busy trying to explain it to myself!
Me and grandaddy talked a lot about God, I told him that I thought that God is cosmically oriented. (because to me, everything else I could see in the sky, was not man-made, so it must have been the result of something or maybe even someone, else! (relating to the universe or cosmos, especially as distinct from the earth.).
Me? I never bought into that “little old man, walking around in outer space creating and destroying stuff as he went around. When would he have time for listening to prayers?” grandaddy just shook his head and would say to me, “Boy, you sure think a lot into this, don’t you?” I’d tell him “I have to, I preach in church, I’ve got to know something about this, even though a lot of it is still confusing!” but I also noticed that the adults seemed as clueless as I was, so I was not feeling so bad, but still, I wanted God to tell me something to tell my friend’s mother. Nothing came, so I studied the bible to find some words that wouldn’t seem to be the same old thing to tell her.
Finally, when we went over to their house the next day, I talked to her alone for a time. I told her that “God doesn’t explain all of tis tuff to us, maybe it’s because in some way, we already know the answer and we’re just not ready to accept it, or we’re too lazy to actually see it staring us into our faces!” i told her that, “having all of the answers immediately would make God somewhat of an academic exercise for us to worship and believe in Him, since we’d have the knowledge already, maybe we’re just not designed in the here-and-now form to know it all!”
She became so happy after I said this to her. She told me that this was what she “needed to hear!” and that God “answered her prayers” through what I said to her.
We have all come to this gathering place to find answers and to share what we know. How is this any different from praying for an answer from God, except that He doesn’t show up and say, “Hey, it’s Me, God, here’s what you want to know!”?
I was dead, just to the literal “point” of my own destruction, when a painting I accidentally ran across as I was shutting down Twitter after writing a “goodbye” tweet to my friends, and it stopped and made me think about the art I used to create and why I stopped being able to do it.
The eye of a painted Zebra, by a artist I didn’t even know the name of at the time, was the only thing that stopped me from making a “pointed” exit from the land of the living! I owe her much thanks, but I also know that the “Force Cosmic” was at work as well, nothing usually happens for the hell of it, a display of cosmic power is usually iplay somewhere in our lives at any given moment.
So, to anyone out there who has honored me by taking the time to read this, and now doesn’t get it, it’s alright, I don’t get it myself sometimes. What all of this is saying is that we’re here together, and all of the knowledge that we are seeking, can be found in the giving people who are open to sharing knowledge, and care. It’s not a matter of skin color or religious affiliations, it is a matter off being human beings. It is a matter of being a person who gives enough of a care that they are willing to offer what they know, and even if a piece of it is usable, they’ve added a tremendous gift to the life of someone who was feeling left out and alone in this world! This is how I believe God works; through what he has created, not what we think we need for Him to create!
Thank you, and peace.