Tuesday, May 8, 2018.
Is closure possible with PTSI(D)?
This week’s subject is one of special interest to me, and I should think it would be to everyone else as well. But to get into the subject matter, we have to define either by using the dictionary definitions or the one with which you or I may have come up with for ourselves. I’ll lay out the dictionary’s idea of what it should mean first, and see whether or not it jibes with anything that I think that it should be.
CLOSURE: 1-Closure or need for closure is a popular psychology term used to describe an individual’s desire for a definite cognitive closure as opposed to enduring ambiguity.
2-The term cognitive closure has been defined as “a desire for definite knowledge on some issue and the eschewal of confusion and ambiguity.
3-Need for closure is a phrase used by psychologists to describe an individual’s desire for a firm solution as opposed to enduring ambiguity.
I seek comfort in my struggles with my emotional illnesses. I’ve never tried to mask myself as being something other than what I am or how I am. The necessity of being myself is paramount to me or to anyone else’s safety and health.
I must be honest here and say that I hid my emotional illnesses for years, I tried to mask the frowning face that I wanted to wear for fear of being misunderstood and labeled. I was wrong because in doing this, I actually labeled myself! There are no corners for me to hide in, I can’t try to melt into the shadows and live covertly, I have to be seeking healing and this is going to take time, trust (at some point, with someone) and a willingness to accept that even with some healing, I may never again be who and how I used to be.
Some of the people with whom I deal have been on the journey to healing for years, some longer than I’ve been alive. But still, they are looking, hoping, falling at times, getting back up and doing it all over and again. This is because as I have found, the truth doesn’t lie in what I think, it lies in what is, and right now, “what is”, is I am injured, fractured, but still strong and not trying to give in to the fears that come along with fighting an injuriously caused set of problems, and possible stigmas which are more than prevalent in society about them.
We need to face the weaknesses we feel are trying to overtake us, and fight harder to remain who we are inside. Not the fallen emotionally injured person we’re having to deal with right now, but the person we’d like to become again, or as close to that person as I can be again. I know that we all change with age, but when a lifetime of hurt and fear is heaped on top of ourselves, the difficulty becomes enhanced, magnified.
I can’t say that I am seeking closure unless I say that I am seeking to totally destroy the emotional disintegration that has been produced by the injuries my mind has sustained over the years.
I want to be healed from the hurt, the uncertainties that I feel, and all of the other issues that go along with having a mental illness. That’s right, my emotional injury has become a mental illness! I am not from another planet, some people see mentally ill people in this way. They are the ones who are truly challenged, not me. I favor a world where we would help each other with and through our problems, but there is no reason for me to be so optimistic that I would hold my breath in that hope.
Allow me to finish my thought from the former paragraph. To seek to destroy my emotional illness would mean a fight that I could never truly win. I would have to destroy the peace that I try to use in living with the problem already, leaving me nothing but more destruction and a dismantling of any possibility of finding peace in any quantity. I am looking for treatments that cause healing, not more things to use up energies for fighting another war inside of myself.
I seek to come to the ending of the necessity of dealing with emotional illness, and I believe that this can only come with replacing the confusion, chaos, deceptive aberrations, and the seeming never-ending intrusions that come along with this condition.
Can I ever find closure? I have to say “yes!” but at the same time, this too, may come in levels, pieces of the puzzle that may not align into a completed picture. Each piece is important to obtain and to place on the table because as with any puzzle, it starts to become clearer as we gather more of the pieces.
I love the feeling I get when I think of being healed and able to live with fewer intrusions from these conditions I suffer with. But in closing doors, I have to make sure that I am not locked into another place from which I can find no easy exit.
A community of like-injured, and like-minded people banding together to seek and to add answers to the question being asked are enormously powerful against the normal aspects of a burnt-out emotional system. Oh yes, burnt-out! We have fried-out some of the circuitry of our minds and healing of the same is how we get a normal balance of our self-continuity back. I’m in!
The closure is around because I am around, you are around, we…are around. But the energy has to be used effectively. We have to be willing to carry one who has fallen, taking the chance that we can’t save them, but trying nonetheless.
I’m sick, but that’s not the end of who I am, it’s only a part. It causes disruptions, but I can try all that I can, to diminish the problems that it causes for me, and to anyone else, my life has an effect upon.
Peace of mind, to all.
 the quality of being open to more than one interpretation; inexactness
 the mental action or process of acquiring knowledge and understanding through thought, experience, and the senses
 to abstain or keep away from; shun; avoid