Tuesday, May 29, 2018, 1645 Hrs.
Emotional illnesses can cause a disturbance in the innermost feelings that one might have for oneself, I know it does for me, so I feel at least somewhat comfortable in saying that this is probably a universal situation for all who suffer from these conditions. Go and figure that something that is already causing distress, can and does cause even more as it progresses along its path of destruction.
Illness never likes a person, no type of illness no matter its characteristics is ever a friend to its host or victim. PTSI and CPTSI and any other of a number of illnesses that are associatively identified as mental illnesses are any less friendly, so don’t look to excuse their presences inside of your life.
I take a great deal of pride in demanding that my mind stay fresh and clear, even in those moments when my emotions are stirring into a vortex of unimaginable violence.
I have said that I would rather seek a peaceful way to deal with my emotional illnesses, but you know what? I’ve come to another set of beliefs: sometimes I must be willing to be violent in my confronting these issues and illnesses and demanding that anyone who tells me differently to get out of my way and let me try it my way for a little while!
I realize that the worldwide educational intention is to reduce people down to duplicate thinking followers who need to feel that a leader must be in front of them or they are lost. But I don’t subscribe to the magazine of stupidity, so I appear to be a troublemaker to some people. I don’t let it bother me, I just know that to get to my destination I might have to be insistent on being a bit of an ass from time to time.
Emotional illness is telling me that I don’t count and that I don’t need to be here. I call foul on that nonsense, I’m a magnificent example of individuality, a uniquely “me” person, and not a duplicate of what someone else says that I have to be. Like that or not, suckers who demand that I subjugate myself to their interpretations and desires for me, can go to a deep cave and get lost!
I don’t need your permission to be angry at my mental illness, so if I don’t ask you for it, just let it be what it is. Every one of us who are dealing with mental illness should know that it is within the scope of our individual choices to be angry with having this issue. We don’t need to put on a mask in order to belong, and we sure as hell don’t need to apologize for having it!
Anger isn’t always a negative thing, but it isn’t a positive thing either. There is a balance to be found, and it’s always up to me to find it. But as for my mental illnesses: the war is on, you gutless bastard! I’m coming hard for you! My anger is in a bestial frame of mind right now, and the target is destroying mental illness from my life.! Maybe I’m just overreacting right now, or maybe, I’m finally seeing this for what it is, an enemy combatant.
Time will tell.