Waking up every morning wondering why am I still here? Disappointed that I go on and on and on. Isolated. Lonely in a head that is so full of ghosts I can barely tell what is real and what is not. A childhood lived in terror and horror that will never leave me to just be. I search for answers in toxic people; without knowing why I am drawn to those in pain who want to hurt me.
Isolation. Pain. Humiliation. This is the oxygen I breathe.
Was the oxygen I breathed. But through speaking up and sharing. From that first tentative step of admitting that I’d tried to blow my brains out on that bathroom floor but for the fact that my arms are too short and couldn’t quite reach the trigger on my shotgun without the help of my toes I would be dead. A sad trauma causing puddle of human bits for some poor cop and paramedic to live with for the rest of their lives.
I started doing what I do … painting out others trauma, giving a voice to their stories, their hopes and their lives through an introspective art that looks at not what is seen but what is unseen but so very real. Advocating loudly in circles that do not allow for their members to speak up, instead eyes glaze over and voices are silenced. Screaming out loud when I see or hear the brutal words of prejudice thrown at all of us with Mental Health Challenges whether it is PTSD or another label.
My moral injury runs so deep it fuels my art. My voice.
#PTSDChat and PTSDChat.org are the fruit of that pain. A place for others to feel connected, supported and informed. I hope it is a place that all can add themselves as a RESOURCE, where voices can be heard in the Blogs and posts, where a community can share advice, support, experiences and lives. A completely universal and all inclusive place of healing and information.
Open to all.
With only one rule: support no judgement, no room for personal agendas or egos, just pure connections and support.
I have funded all this myself and have a hard time even asking for my costs to be covered for the art I produce for those who connect to it. It is my hope that a bigger organization will see value in us and want to lend their expertise to ensuring it remains, always, a place for anonymously, safely, increasing connections to those who need to be saved from their isolation, a hub of all PTSD news from around the world, an easy to find RESOURCE index for all PTSD services and groups and a showcase for those who use ART and Writing to heal.